Dear Narendra Modi, Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Shahrukh Khan, Salman Khan, Aamir Khan and Anil Ambani,
I am writing to YOU specifically because you are the most powerful and influential MEN in our country.
I am writing to you as a woman who grew up in a middle class family in Mumbai.
I am writing to YOU for HELP!
My parents may not like me saying this. I apologize to them if they are reading but this is NOT MY SHAME. It’s THIER SHAME.
My first experience with the opposite sex, was when I was just 13 and groped by a man (never saw his face but will never forget his hand) while walking in the vegetable market with my mom. She had just given me the worst haircut and as an angry teenager I was upset at her and was lagging behind as she walked ahead. I still remember what I was wearing. It was her dress, mustard with flowers and little bow in the front. How I hate that dress! As if, it was the dress’s fault.
I was shocked at first. Speechless. He disappeared. I just stood there. Tears started pouring out of my innocent eyes. I told my mom who went mad screaming in the market but who knew where that man disappeared to. I still remember the dirty feeling I had and the number of times I showered in my grand-mom’s bathroom after. That feeling never went away.
Shenaz Treasurywala
Since then it was non-stop. I would try to articulate this to my parents and while my mom understood, my dad and uncles told me I was imagining it. Maybe they just couldn’t deal with it. CAN YOU?
When I was 15, I started going by train and bus to St. Xaviers’ College. I was groped and touched and from all angles and this was just how I grew up. Not Just Me but MOST INDIAN WOMEN who don’t have the luxury of cars and drivers.
As a teenager I would dream of and still sometimes dream that I had a machine gun and could kill all the men who tried to grope me. A very disturbing dream for a kid, don’t you think?
I got my first assignment as a model in the FYJC and I had to go to screen-tests straight from college. So I had to dress nice, didn’t make it any easier. I specifically remember the time I went for an audition in a red body suit and a black long skirt with slits. It was HELL! I never wore that again. As if it was the dress’s fault.
I developed ways to defend myself, I always carried a bag in front of me, my fist was always clenched, I always turned around every 20 seconds to check who was behind me and a few times I slapped men who touched me, I got slapped back many times too. Sometimes saved by the public, MOST TIMES NOT.
My mom begged me not to pick fights with men who touched me, she was afraid of acid being thrown at me or that somebody someday would hurt me badly. She is STILL AFRAID and today she told me not to take an UBER to my meeting tomorrow. Hell ya. BAN UBER! Make everyone take responsibility for this.
My sister got into Sophia’s college, we were all excited. She went by bus but the first day she came home, she sobbed traumatized. A man had put his hand in her tee-shirt through her sleeve, the entire bus ride. She just froze. She was a kid too and wasn’t equipped to even understand this. I was LIVID. I’m sorry sis for telling the world this, please don’t stop speaking to me. IT’S NOT Our Shame. It’s THEIRS!
One of my friends in college was RAPED on the train on her way home in the ladies compartment. She was sick and was going home in the 11:15 break. There was nobody in the first class compartment going back to Bandra at that time, it was a superfast meaning it didn’t stop at most stations. He raped her and then jumped off after using her scrunchy (hair tie) to wipe himself. She was the only one on the train and had to limp her way back to her home in Bandra, bleeding profusely. She was just 16. This she felt was her shame so she did not say anything to anyone.
BUT IT ISN’T HER SHAME, it’s THEIR SHAME.
My mom accompanied me to Hyderabad on a shoot once. In churi bazaar, a cyclist groped My MOM. My dear respected and lovely MOM.
Sorry Mom, IT’S NOT Our Shame, It’s THEIR SHAME.
Why am I telling you my personal story?
Well first I want all women to Speak Up.
Let’s make this our MOTTO-
It’s not OUR SHAME, it’s THEIR SHAME.
Who are “THEY”?
“THEY” ARE THE MEN IN OUR COUNTRY.
Not just the rapists and the sexual offenders and gropers but also our Fathers (sorry dad) and Uncles and Brothers and MOVIE STARS AND CRICKETERS AND POLITICIANS for not SAVING US or PROTECTING US by insisting and protesting for the LAWS TO CHANGE and Rapists and Gropers to BE PUNISHED SEVERELY!
Why do we as women have to feel so threatened? WHY has there been no severe action taken? This has gone on for years now. Not just in Delhi but all over our country and yes even in BOMBAY OR MUMBAI OR Whatever the hell you want to call it! It’s NOT SAFE. NO!
My biggest fear ever since I was kid and even today when I walk back home at night from yoga or when I take a rickshaw from a friend’s home is being RAPED. I still feel that fear. I am still am on guard. I still fantasize of having that MACHINE GUN.
In the past 4 years I have been living and working half in India and half in New York and let me tell you I have walked the streets of Harlem, the Bronx and Brooklyn (perceived as the most dangerous in NYC) at3am after parties in short skirts and felt safer than I feel in Bandra at 10 pm on a quiet road fully covered. WHY??
Let’s talk about Delhi our Capital. I was there 2 days ago and the day of the rape. I wanted to go out and walk by India Gate and admire our great monuments but could I?! Why??
What good are all your speeches in the US or Japan or AUSTRALIA- NAMO, if no woman can walk freely in the streets even in broad daylight by herself in the CAPITAL OF OUR COUNTRY. Isn’t this a SHAME? SHAME ON YOU SIR.
This is our NO1 issue. FIX THIS before anything else.
This is a SHAME. And it’s YOUR SHAME. You are now RESPONSIBLE FOR US.
I beg all of you fine gentlemen that I have addressed to help change the LAW.
You are powerful men. I say, SHAME and PUNISH THE Gropers and Sexual offenders severely. KILL THE RAPISTS.
I won’t ask for public castration which is what I want and all the women want because I know this is unrealistic and things move SO DAMN SLOW in our FINE NATION.
All I ask for is the -Death Penalty Please. NOW! QUICK!
If that’s too hard or will take too long then at least LIFE IMPRISONMENT.
Put them away forever.
Why was this man who had raped twice before out on bail?
And then given a drivers license? YES, BAN UBER TOO. Make everyone responsible.
I’m ready to do anything. I’m not a big enough celeb but you Sachin Tendulkar, Amitabh Bachchan, Salman Khan, Sharukh Khan, Aamir Khan, Anil Ambani SIRS- need to speak up as MEN ( you are the men with the power)
SAVE US!
Please demand the Death Sentence for the Rapists.
NO BAIL. Just Death.
Superstars I beg you, please take a stand. Use your Superstardom and Power and MONEY and save the women of our country. SAVE US!
I urge you to protest or go on a fast or do something DRASTIC so people take notice, the government wakes up and CHANGES the LAW so these men are terrified to touch us.
Death to rapists. No bail. Just death.
Imagine Amitabh Bachchan Sir, Aamir Khan, Salmaan Khan, Sachin Tendulkar, Anil Ambani- if you went on a fast or walked to the Rashrtrapati In Delhi. If you, took this stand and made this YOUR NO 1 issue, how much change there would be?!
Why should we as women feel so unsafe in our motherland?!
Why should we as women be terrified and on guard all the time.
Why was this man out on bail after committed two rapes already ?
Make an Example Of Him.
Any man who even touches a woman should be imprisoned for life.
Be strict, make examples of these men, scare those who dare to touch us.
SCARE THEM BY MAKING AN EXAMPLE OUT OF THEM.
SAVE US, Save your mother, daughter, sister please!
This is NOT OUR SHAME.
THIS IS YOURS.
SHAME ON YOU.
Don’t sleep till you – SAVE YOUR WOMEN!
With all respect,
Shenaz Treasurywala
I am not a wordsmith,,
Respect you to bring this on table, You got real guts to bring this on table…. You wrote this to our P.M and other men in our country. . But, this can be understood and changed by man of values not by man of success,
I request every reader to bring that change…
very well written..1stly shame on u Bollywood ppl ,who made such pathetic movie,,its you ppl who gave wrong msg to the society that women r inferior than men…It’s u ppl who made serial like Saas bahu ad movie like bodyguard ,happy new yr ad many more senseless ad pathetic. I don’t know wat msg u guys want to deliver to our society…I knw so called Bollywood superstar don’t have time for such issue…. Shame on our politician who r so well educated that they don’t understand the meaning of Liberty equality ,justice ,fraternity written in very 1st page of our constitution’s preamble…we voted them not to discuss who is haramzada ,what shud be our secular national scripture ,ad teach us how to fight in parliament during session..pass sme good legislation so that everybody fell safe ad secure ..it’s the surety of punishment not the severity that wil bring down the crime….shame on all of us ,boys who don’t treat girl equal ad girls who consider themself inferior ….shame on our culture which has dowry ,child marriage , khap panchayat ,caste system…I know every family hve women[so far in civilisation men not able produce men ]treat your mother ad sister equal to your father ad brother …I want my sis ad my mom to be safe ,I know thy r no less then anyone else …..thank u shenaz for slapping everyone who is sleeping , I knw few will continue to sleep..respect you mother ,who gve ur birth ad raised u , respect ur sis , who was always there to help u . Respect ur wife whom u called ur better half ,respect every women , she is sme ones mother sis or wife ,.respect every human being coz all r created equal …humanity prevail
Don’t mean to scare anyone but thought it important to share..
A guy sends you a friend request. You don’t know him, but he’s got a cute profile pic, so you accept his friend request. It’s your baby girl’s first day of school ! She looks SO cute in her new outfit you just have to take a picture and put it on Facebook so all your friends and family can see. You’re so excited dropping her off that you “check in” to her school on Fb saying “I can’t believe how big she’s gotten. Time sure flies. One proud momma/daddy right here!”…. Meanwhile, the mystery guy whose friend request you hurriedly accepted earlier this morning is saving that picture you posted of your daughter in her cute new outfit to his phone and texting it to 60 other grown men across the world with the caption “Indian female. Age 5. Brown hair,black eyes. Rs.70,000/-.” Not only did you provide a picture of your little girl to a child trafficker,you’ve handed him the name and exact location of her school on a silver cyber platter. You go to pick her up at 3:00 this afternoon, but she’s nowhere to be found. Little do you know, your precious baby girl was sold to a 43-year-old pedophile before you even stepped foot off campus this morning, and now she’s on her way to South Africa with a bag over her head,confused, terrified and crying because a man she’s never seen before picked her up from school, and now she doesn’t know where her parents are, where she’s going, or what’s gonna happen to her.STOP ADDING STRANGERS ON FACEBOOK And STOP posting everything about your life on Facebook..avoid keeping children in profile pics. I had to share it for the sake of all kids and parents.
Thanks.
So shockeddd to read that she suffered that much shes ma fac celeb not new thing .. scumss dirty shitty india .. i wont even go thr fo poop mann ..oh lord save usss
I’m truly touched and support Shenaz and second her thoughts. Its very unfortunate to be a part of the country where there are such unscrupulous men and in harmony are people who are in power yet do nothing about it. Its just not the rape factor, females are traumatised even within the household in many forms. Sometimes its the husband sometimes its the in laws.
My own experience with the judiciary has been atrocious. I haven’t still found found justice after years. Been fighting it out day and night, having nightmares and crying out in the middle of the night but our judiciary fails me! It doesnt see the emotions it needs evidence.
I have many times wished being a part of the US since justice is delivered much faster and all aspects considered. I have been hurt and victimised all through my marriage. Been physically beaten up, literally locked inside the house all alone, no food no medicine but our courts demand proof. How do I give proof? lodging a damned complaint?? EXCUSE ME ! you still mean it? With whom? Our police? have you ever been to a police station and the way they eye females?when traumatised all you can think of is going and lodging a complaint when the society asks you to adjust and put up with the nonsense and you are wanting to save the marriage until the last straw, and god forbid she has a fair complexion you cannot imagine entering the police station premise. same hold good for doctors. Even the practitioner is not spared and has to visit court trials, which obviously no private practitioner would do. Why would a doctor lose a days money? forget giving complaint. How many issues do we as females speak up? Go out and the traffic cops harass, there is always a fear of the unknown, and what not? After all this, females are blackmailed to not voice out. How do we afford to lodge a complaint? what proofs do we produce? how do we express the hurt?
Do the judges consider the emotional trauma and the social stigma? Noooo… why not?
My friend was killed by her in laws and husband and later the name given was suicide. IT WASN’T. She was a very happy girl.
Her sister doesn’t want to marry. Who is the reason?
The Men Rights Activists are just anti women and in no way need any support from whosoever. It would all the more dampen the spirits of females and this is all they want. Another form of rape it is! YES
Please save the sisters, daughters mothers aunts and grannies. They belong to you.
Females are raped at every juncture of life in different forms ! Wake up before its too late. Take hold ! Strengthen women power.
I stand by it. Are you going to be one? Need an action with immediate effect.
Let US(females) LIVE and not just be “alive-dead”. Help us help you ! You need us.. Recognise the need of the hour.
Agree with her for death sentence BUT the same
punishment should be applicable to any lady or
female who tries to misuse this punishment
against men. Sadly, in Indian constitution such
cases takes ages (where men are victims) to be
proved who is right n who is at fault !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes dear, it is indeed a shame ! This is like a final nail on the coffin brought by our ???? ?? culture. People, yes even well educated seem to now follow rules only when being watched by police. Zero integrity ! Shame. Uber chose to follow law, in the letter, not in the spirit !! Shame. Authorities behaved in a kiddish way, ban all cabbies, Shame. But hold on, have all men turned to become maniacs ? Certainly, men becoming maniacs is rapidly increasing. Shame. Except, probably 1, sadly all the rest to whom sent your letter to seem to be busy doing more, don’t get me wrong, doing more for themselves. I am father of a teenaged daughter, and I am scared everyday, how will she cope up and sadly society is not doing enough to protect our girls. Shame. We need to keep our hopes alive. May be that was the last incident that shocked nations conscience, we said the same thing, a few years back when Nirbhaya happened. Until next time, we will keep thinking that this was the last one. And then one more will happen. No punishment, no consequence, no change. Hang till death ! Is way to go. Sad we are reaching this situation, shame on us.
I agree with Shenaz and applaud her for her candor and for her spirit to care enough to write about this and make herself vulnerable to exploitation and sensationalization by the media; and cruel, mean comments by many. She is very right un calling out to the celebrity Indian men in particular and every Indian adult in particular to engage in this issue and work to resolve it.
Awsum hats off (y) to u.. this is not our shame…plz do sumthng…
Shenaz you been too good I would suggest,’,,,,,,,,,,Cut of the organ they use for this shameful and hattered act and live life,no bail no death,just live that way,
I agree that rape is an under prosecuted crime. However, this situation is not just in our country, its all over the world. I see enormous anger in your letter, but I also noticed that you are off in many of your details.
I am a woman who lived in India for most of my life and came to the US later. I have experienced similar situations like the once you have described in my life as well. It is undoubted that men have a tendency to behave like this and it is also undoubted that not all men are like this. But, your letter is unidirectional. Rapes, improper behavior and other bad things happen in all countries. In-fact the facts indicate that rapes are comparatively low in India (1.2-2.0 per every 100,000) to that of the US (28.6 per every 100,000). The numbers are after the consideration of woman who do report the crime.
I do not agree that you walking in the US at 3:00am alone is any different from you walking at 3:00am in India. YOU JUST GOT LUCKY!! I lived in Los Angeles, Austin and Chicago, all of these cities had bullies that pried on woman.
India as a nation has its own flaws, but when it comes to men and sexual harassment, it is in-fact better compared to most of the other countries. However, woman overall deserve better, so preventive measures have to be taken.
I agree its a “SHAME” to those who have committed the crime not the once who are victims. But it is our duty to ourselves that we protect our souls. You have to consider the saying “when in Rome be a Roman.” Most of the men in India are from middle class families just like you were, you have to understand that their image for a woman would be someone who dresses appropriately, not the one who is in short skirts at 11:00 at night. They have limited exposure to the world, and it is rather uncommon to see a woman dressed in short skirts in a public place in Delhi, Mumbai or any other city in India. Uncommon things always catch peoples attention. Indians are used to Indian clothing just like other countries are used to theirs’ (skirts, jeans, whatever). I bet people will notice you if you are wearing a saree and standing in middle of the Brooklyn bridge. It is necessary for us to understand the limitation of a middle class man’s thinking capability. Just like you are, they are unidirectional too! They just cannot see beyond the short skirt a woman wears. I think it is ridiculous to think that anyone can change their thinking ability except their families. It is only possible for us to educate our family members to understand a woman by not just what they are wearing, but what they are capable of. So, write a letter to every mother, sister, a daughter and a friend to educate their sons, brothers, fathers and friends. It is also important for us to understand that wearing a short skirt in a train in Mumbai is equivalent to wearing a cotton saree in the middle of Time Square(New York).
You’r letter describes a problem, but you have failed to find a solution. Find a solution, ways to prevent sexual harassment and then come up with a letter. Explaining an already prevalent and known problem solves nothing.
Salute to her,very well presented
great going shenaz.. I totally agree with u..
But see the flip side atleast in India.. Do u think every girl and lady is like u or like my wife or any other lady I know of personally.. Are they good enough not to take advantage of such law or proceedings.. Why do you think India’s legal system is the hardest in world. Since we Indians are great at finding loopholes.. My point is the moment something is proved.. Even if a bit.. Punish the person the most but if allegations are wrong don’t let the other side free to go.. Kill the fear and the cause but don’t leave options for someone to play around with the system..
I hope I made my point clear.
Shanaz’s article is every women’s hard faced reality. Modi can enforce stronger rules n celebs can endorse it. The power of belief is needed by influential people as masses in India are influenced by them. We need to respect women and this needs to STOP!! It doesn’t happen in developed countries? Are men different there? No. it’s the consequence they are scared of. So please encourage Shanaz who is trying to voice her opinion as what we need is the voice and ears who acknowledge this voice
Shenaz – bravo!!
Completely agree with your approach… celebrities do carry a lot of potential to influence the people of our country… hope it does not fall on deaf years!
Hats off to shenaaz for telling d truth in public of what her family females have gone through.I suggest every man to take d ownership of saving d females from these kind of disgusting crime happening with dem.All d men please wake up nd dnt ignore ny kind of this crime happening to women raise ur voice v never knw tmrw our sisters,wife or ny other female of our family might b a victim of rape.Lets not think like what will happen to me later if i go to save d women will those guys kill me nd all nd den back step nd ignore d crime,lets just b brave enough to fight against this crime.
I read this somewhere and since the law or so called law creators/makers cant do anything about these horrible and shameful acts…this should be implemented…
“In India men should not go out after 6PM unless accompanied by his mother/Sister/Wife/Daughter”
Write a letter to women in india to respect themselves first. Ask them not to take favours from men during their school days, work so they learn and equip themselves. Tell them ppl who have ferrari’s smart enough to know to keep it safe. Ask them not to use the weakness of men for accomplishing things. Tell your fellow feminist to work more be an example and talk less.
And also i don’t agree that these men should be hanged or given death penalty..that is easy for them..i think they should be literally chopped and that too over a period of time..not in one go…
Somebody had the guts to call spade a spade. Yes it is the failure of the Government,the Police and the Judiciary.A 16 year old boy commits the most heinous crime and is called juvenile, sets himself free in 3 years to do bigger acts. And Society ;what monsters have you created. Make Prostitition legal so that these monsters can satisfy their lust regularly and not have to grope to satisfy their urges. I would also say ban everything pornographic on the media and Films. Well take it easy,for this barbaric society t o change,it will take hundreds of years,so let us not titillate men and for respected ladies ;please respect the norm of dressing in a nonprovocative manner. Do not cite Women’s liberty and all those slogans ;as like it or not,our society is primitive. Yes change the sex ratio as well.make it 100 women to 80 men. Pass the Women reservation bill today.
how shameless we are ?
Yatra naaryastu poojayante ramante tatra devta.
Gods live where women is worshipped.
I am surprised how can we sleep peacefully without securing half of our population, our mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.
Women living in such fear is biggest drag on India’s development. But do our ministers, MLAs MPs have time to make strict laws? Can we expect something when rape accused Nihal Chand is a central minister.
Nothing is free. We have to fight for it. Don’t support vote any party which is not taking action.
Dear friends
Lets take a stand instead of appealing to the big personalities or looking for strong men of power to support. I believe the power should be produced from our selves.
Infact if we want we can bring a change in the society and culture by applying small thoughts and not big power. I.e.. There is no barrier of men and women working in India since indian independence but unfortunately women in India are not.
Solution : We have a good police force in each and every part of the village,district,state.
There should be at least two police women working in each village and they have to check and update the S.P’s office on a daily basis of the local men whom the ladies are afraid off. If any person comes under the scanner of trying to do so then his picture and complete address of him will be updated on the web site which has to be under the N.G.O’s. The person who’s trials are going on in the court should also be updated and assign a special tag to mention about his committed crimes and where abouts.
In this way the person gets notified for his illness caused by him to his sister,daughters,mother and daughter in laws. Hope we shall start working rather then complaining.
very well written… All the powerful man and woman should stand for this to change the law and give the death penalty in public to the person who dares to touch the woman.. they are raping a 3 year old girl who don’t know how to talk properly.. even a 6months old infant…ab to kuch karo khali rupya kamaoge or contry ki izzat lutaoge..
I’m not sure if she is going to give up working in movies which portray women as sex objects and glamorize stalkers. She isn’t going to work for women’s rights either. Its much more convenient to write an angry incoherent letter which will give her the publicity she wants. While i empathize with women who face sexual abuse on a daily basis i’m getting fed up of these keyboard warriors who vent out their frustration on politicians and celebrities and do nothing themselves. Its sad to see that our pizza eating, whatsapp using tech savvy young generation feels empowered by babbling on social media without even setting a foot outside their rooms. This letter does not provide any solutions instead puts the onus solely on politicians to safeguard women. Its stupid to say that PM’s speeches are worthless. Our society is patriarchal and social constructs are deeply entrenched in our psyche. Only education can change that. These things take time and sincere efforts. Surely there are people who are working to eradicate social problems. It would be much more helpful if the media starts highlighting their work instead of providing cheap publicity to the self righteous celebrities. We need real heroes like kailash satyarthi ,not wannabes. While i admire her angry rant, im afraid its not going to change anything.
Can relate to every bit of it. Had the exact same experiences growing up in Chennai, Bangalore and then Mumbai. No city is an exception!! While I feel reaching out to celebs is a great channel to initiate a change, at least one of them is guilty of inflicting physical abuse on a woman. I am sorry but there is no credibility there.
Nevertheless, stricter laws are a must and severe punishments must be practiced. Hopefully we get to see better days soon.
Shenaz..
Its unfortunate sad disgusting what has happened with you..
i completely agree that there should be extreme punishments for offenders..
Unfortunately the challenge with such law implementation is the fact that there are girls, some parents, corrupt gov officials etc. Etc. who start abusing and blackmailing men with it..
Look at our divorce and women harassment laws.. i atleast know of 10 men who had to waste thier entire life because thier wives or inlaws filed a false claim against them .. it taked an average of 15 years to fight such a case in court..
stigmatising a man falsely as a rapist or gropper would be an irreversible damage to his life and family..how do u think this can be avoided..
Unfortunately ere will never be a perfect solution.. but you should all so ask the INFLUENCERs to make fundamental changes in the society.. education.. religious values.. most importantly using media to educate the comman man the impact and shame it js on the man who does these horrible acts..
Cheers
Reading this letter, I think some platform where women can express such incidents is :
ibreakmysilence.org
It is a small step , but has the potential to form a virtual network of support.
Hats off the Shenaz for bringing out the problem out of the closets. This is what all women and girls go thru in India. The first thing I felt when I left India is safe. I live in Indonesia Jakarts a Muslim dominated country but nobody behaves the way Indian men do. Today Modiji I am worried to bring my daughter back home for the fear of such treatment. We as the Indian community also do not want to send our girls to Indian universities for further education. Please do something about it. I join Shenaz in asking you to do what ever possible in your hands to change this attitude towards women.
Do not agree, it is “our shame” as well. As a society we take pride in being treated as “weaker” sex. daughters are taught different things than son, sons get more privileges over daughters, fathers are considered head of the family and moms are just moms, daughters-in-law are expected to be taking care of their house, and sons-in-law are given royal treatment.. it is imbibed within us to be treated differently, not respectfully, just differently. we are taught to be martyrs in our society, making small and big sacrifices for our loved ones. Mom, mothers-in-law, sisters, wives all are equal partners in this crime, together we have built a society where we are secondary citizens. So it is very much “our shame”.